


But It Wasn't Your Fault (It Was Never Your Fault)

by Lilsciencequeen



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Episode: s03e10 Maveth, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Language, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-11
Updated: 2015-12-11
Packaged: 2018-05-06 04:52:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5403764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilsciencequeen/pseuds/Lilsciencequeen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She had caused so many deaths. They were all her fault. She had so much blood on her hands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But It Wasn't Your Fault (It Was Never Your Fault)

**Author's Note:**

> THAT. EPISODE. OH. MY GOD. THREE MONTHS. WARD. WILL. FITZ. SIMMMONS. HUNTER. DAISY... It was so emotional. There have been a couple of fics like this, of Jemma with her emotions and her guilt. This is my interpretation.

He left the party early, the party that Hunter had declared for Ward's death. No one had objected with it but no one had fully agreed with it (Mainly the banner. May had taken the "Thank God the bastard's dead" sign down before Coulson could see it, but not before smiling first).

When Fitz left, Hunter was already slurring his words, trying to persuade Bobbi to allow the party to last even longer. "But we have to celebrate. Coulson gone done fucked up his chest."

Fitz shook his head at that. No one had seen what Coulson was like killing Ward, had seen the anger and hatred in his eyes. It had terrified Fitz, just what the director had done. 

There was something different about Coulson.

But then again, there was something different about all of them.

By this point he had reached her bunk door and knocked on it, a small soft voice telling him that it was okay that he could come in came from inside. 

"Jems?" he asked as he opened the door. 

She was sitting on the bed, knees pulled up to her chest. Bobbi had fixed the cut on her cheek but her wrists were still bruised. "It's my fault," was all she whispered next.

"It's not. If it's anyone's fault it's mine," Fitz said, sitting down next to her. "I didn't save him all those months ago."

"But I left him, Fitz, I ran off without him. I left him to die on that planet. He died saving my life. So many people have gotten hurt because of me. So many people have died because of me. I left Will behind! I let Trip go down to help Daisy. It's all my fault. It's always been my fault."

"Jems, its not your fault. Not everything is your fault."

But Jemma disagreed, feeling her stomach in knots, tightening with every second, with every person that she had gotten killed. "All those Inhumans. I let Andrew out. I might as well have ripped them apart."

"But you did what you had to do at that point. You didn't know that this would happen, that Andrew, or Lash, would kill them."

"But I did it! I let him out I'm responsible! And Bobbi. Ward tortured her. I could have killed him. I should have killed him."

Fitz shook his head at this and gently turned her face so that she was looking him in the eye. "I went through that portal. I went through that portal because Ward was killing you. He was torturing you Jems and I don't know what was worse. Hearing you scream. Or that god awful silence in-between. Because in that silence, I didn't know if you were alive or dead. I didn't know if you were alive or dead for those months."

"And I've hurt you the most," Jemma continued, as if she wasn't paying too much attention to what Fitz was saying. "I left you not because I couldn't handle your change. I left because I made you worse. Everything I did just made you worse. And everyone could see it. Everyone could see how much pain and anger I was causing you so I removed myself. I left you not because I didn't love you, I left you because I love you so much."

Those words took Fitz back. After everything that had happened, Jemma leaving for HYDRA was something that he had, not forgotten about, he could never forget her putting herself into so much danger. But he had simply let the matter drift away to a something that shouldn't be worried about any more. So much had happened in that time.

"I love you so much Fitz," she murmured, collapsing into his chest. "I love you more than I love myself."

He rubbed his hands gently up and down her back as the emotions that she had held back for so long finally unleashed themselves.

"How did Ward hurt you?" he asked gently. "Please Jems, I wanna see what he did to you."

She pulled back and nodded, lifting her top up to show Fitz her abdomen, a multitude of blue, black and purple. It looked like the Universe, the cosmos. Something that Jemma Simmons had once loved, had grown up loving but now hated. She hated the Universe and the cosmos for keeping her apart from the one that she loved. 

"Shit," was all that Fitz could mutter under his breath. "Jems, what did he do?"

Jemma just shook her head, not ready to say yet what had happened and she let the top fall back down. "Is he really dead?"

Fitz nodded, placing a kiss on her forehead. "He's dead Jems, he'll not hurt you any more. He won't hurt any one any more."

She nodded, somewhat reluctantly, not quite believing that Ward was dead. She wanted to but there was that small voice in her mind saying that he wasn't. That that planet was capable of anything. That he could come back.

"It was always you," she whispered. "It would have always have been you. Will may have saved my life and we may have spent all those months together but he wasn't you. No one is like you. No one else would jump into a portal across the Universe to save me. But you did. Twice. You've did so much for me and I can't imagine anyone else doing anything for me." 'Why should they?' she though. After all that she had did, did she really deserve someone like Fitz.

He placed another kiss on her forehead, gently pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

Maybe she had been a horrible person.

Maybe she was a good person.

Maybe she was responsible for all those deaths.

Maybe she wasn't responsible for all those deaths.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Maybe.

There were so maybe's and possibly's in her life.

But there was one certainty.

There always had been.

And there always would be.

Fitz.

That was her one certainty in life.

Fitz. 

**Author's Note:**

> That's how I am actually describing Ward's death but dat ending though???? So pumped to see Brett pull it off.  
> And I feel Jemma would actually be like this as she's just too precious for this world. And she would so blame herself for everything that's gone to hell in AOS world.  
> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed.  
> Title from Alive by Gabrielle Aplin and Marvel owns all.


End file.
